Life is Hard

Well it's been a long time since my last post, I've been super busy studying for finals, writing final papers, and moving to New York for the summer and starting my internship.

I read up a little on Iris Chang's Rape of Nanking book, and it got me thinking about some stuff, including why I don't know or care enough about Darfur. I'll write about that in the coming days, cause I think it's an important topic. There's also been a major earthquake in China, putting 5 million people out of homes. It's terrible, but in a way I'm happy. The builders of the buildings are being sued by civilians who say corruption and misuse of fundings is why the buildings were so weak. So if these people are exposed, I'm very happy.

I've been very troubled lately, trying to figure out what to do with my life in the short term. Basically it all started because my girlfriend all of a sudden wants to get serious, and possibly marriage.

She's a really great girl. She's highly intelligent, very beautiful, super kind, caring, understanding, and our personalities are a very good match. She is also from a classy family, so she's well spoken and polite as well. She's a year older, so she's mature too, which I like. She also is very innocent, in the way that she doesn't have shady thoughts and plans like so many people do(think gold digger). She's really a fantastic girl.

But the thought of getting serious with her puts a lot into perspective. My ultimate dream, the dream i've had for as long as I can remember now, is to run a great company that makes innovative and revolutionary products that provide a positive to mankind that would otherwise not exist. To me, this is like Beethoven, providing music that would not exist without him. Most companies can easily be replaced, but there's a couple truly special companies out there, that push human civilization forward, and that's my dream.

To achieve this dream, I have no idea what path to take. I don't know in the short term what kind of work I should do. Also, I have a lot of side dreams that i've wanted to do. For example, I'm close with both American and Chinese society and culture, but i've always wanted to become closer with European and Japanese society. Should i really waste time in these places, when I should be focused on pursuing my career dream? I also love intellectual topics, studying history, society, culture, etc. But I probably shouldn't waste my time studying these things if I want to achieve my dream?

I heard a line from a song, that I love, "It's ok to be inferior student." I think a lot of people find it strange that I like this quote, they see me as a classic good student. Honestly, that's not remotely true at all. I identify myself more with the rebels of society who don't want to conform with the norms. People think I study because it's the "right thing to do" or the "proper thing to do". Honestly, I hate the school system, i hate grades, i hate being forced to do any of that. It's really just by chance that I love to learn, and i'm very curiuos about things, so I end up studying quite hard. I think it is OK to be inferior student. The measure of a man is in his true ability, his original thought, and his ability to rise up to challenges, it's not how he can perform on state mandated academic tests. I hate being praised for being a "good student". To me, it's shallow, and it has nothing to do with the spirit of why I do what I do.